Beauty In The Blue

by Sarah Hiltz

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1.
Left home today Now I'm in an unfamiliar place Not sure what I'm looking for Or where I'll come to be But I fought this off For far too long Couldn't stand to stay here For another day I took a risk It was for the best… I think Got a way of losing my way Inside my head I'm losing conviction Always end up spinning Til nothing's clear anymore All a blur anymore Now I'm standing on The edge of it But what 'it' is I can't quite grip In a world unknown Will I free-fall or fly? Is this my childhood dream Come to life? Me, alone on land, I'm in a sea of sand I'm stuck here standing still And I'm nothing but a name Got a way of losing my way Inside my head. I'm losing conviction Always end up spinning Til nothing's clear anymore All a blur anymore
2.
Inside my mind It is buzzing Just a Sort of constant drone Enough to keep my head From focusing On anything but you But even that as a topic Does not Quiet the noise Because it Goes nowhere, it goes nowhere And it’s a waste of my time It’s a waste of my mind It’s a waste of this line Inside my world I am walking All along the edges hoping that I’ll Run into you by Chance without trying So I won’t have to show that It matters to me When it’s been all of twenty Days since we last spoke But my world is too small I don’t See you at all And I wish I didn’t have to Give up the dream I wish I didn’t have to Hide what I mean When I say that I wish that the timing had been.. can't seem to I wish I could keep the noise down that I could keep my thoughts from running wild from drowning out the quiet quiet I want to hear nothing hear the music of nothing I wish that the timing had been.. Been… Been…
3.
04:40
I wanna grow greener and brighter I wanna be better, go further together When I see the lightness in your eyes I can see futures where this love never dies But I’ve seen those eyes turn grey I’ve seen that lifeless gaze When you’re not okay Without you I wither, without you I fade Without you I’m half dead in the land of the living Without you I spiral, without you I spin Without you I just might cave in Cuz baby if you’re a dying sun, then I’m a dying planet In your system When I see the light leaving your eyes Matter of time till I lose sight of the why’s But don’t call it dysfunction (commitment) Maybe our own ecosystem or co-orbit If you fall, I will falter If you want, I will be there Isn’t that a pair? Without you I wither, without you I fade Without you I’m half dead in the land of the living Without you I spiral, without you I spin Without you I just might cave in Without you I wither, without you I fade Without you I’m half dead in the land of the living Without you I spiral, without you I spin Without you I just might cave in Cuz baby if you’re a dying sun, then I’m a dying planet In your system
4.
04:28
When I tell you to 'hang in there' there's less behind that phrase Than there ever used to be before I've been running low on answers for a long time I can learn to live with questions But the questions pile up It's getting heavy on my shrugging shoulders I don't have any proof But I need it to be something that I know When you tell me this can't go on forever Well I couldn't agree more You're afraid of the end, I don't blame you, but this ain't then We can make a list of absolutes You can point to evidence And while you wait for a verdict, I'll claim a victory I don't have any proof But you'll take nothing less than factual nonsense When we've been at this same-old-same discussion For the 100th time this year I get dizzy from the cyclical motion Aren't you restless with the pattern? Aren't you tired of hanging on To a lifelong supposed biblical notion? I don't have any proof But then neither do you, so let's get on with it No proof that it will be okay No proof that it will get better No proof that you even love me No proof anyone is up there No proof that we'll stay together No proof that you will be happier No proof that the worst is over No proof that the worst will happen
5.
I heard you're doing battle again In a war that should be long over They say the rain falls on everyone But always harder on a few And I guess that that means you You know that you have got the strength You hear it all the time I'm just the last in that long line There's nothing I can do to undo this There's nothing I can offer to ease it If everything they say is the truth, then love Is what we leave behind at the end So I'm sending you love I seem to get the blow by blow I see the punch, then your blood starts to flow It spills into puddles that spell out words and ask for explanation Why your blood and why not mine? Why is this happening again? Life is short for anyone and framed with so much suffering There's nothing I can do to undo this There's nothing I can offer to ease it If everything they say is the truth, then love Is what we leave behind at the end So I'm sending you love There's nothing I can do to undo this There's nothing I can offer to ease it If everything they say is the truth, then love Is what we leave behind at the end So I'm sending you love
6.
Pink flashes in a darkening sky Hot summer electric night Means more light than I am used to These short nights wear me down Longer days keep me wound up Wondering where you got to The cold sting of no goodbye An exit with no reason why How many times do I need to say I love you? How many lines must I write before you know it’s true? Did you really think I wouldn’t mind? That’s the best I can believe About you I stare straight out into the wild This light show has me beguiled Each colourful flash brings me back to you The sharp pang of knowing life Moves on whether or not I’m by your side How many times do I need to say I love you? How many lines must I write before you know it’s true? Did you really think I wouldn’t mind? That’s the best I can believe About you So many years spent on this They can’t mean nothing I don’t know what I did but please just say That I’m forgiven It’s the best thing I could hear from you How many times do I need to say I love you? How many lines must I write before you know it’s true? Did you think I wouldn’t mind? Come on, wouldn’t you? But that’s the best I can believe About you
7.
You know that you weren’t in my plans here I never saw it working But lately I’ve been up nights Wondering how you are and how you’ll be Staring at my ceiling Thinking of the things you said to me You say that you’re all on your own here You’ve got no one to hold you Your words are breaking up My stone heart I guess I won’t be leaving you alone To fight your dark I’d been bitter for a long time I’d been indifferent for a long while You said some things that hurt me And I never thought I’d see you at my door Now you’re crying on my couch Asking what it’s all been for You say that you’re all on your own here You’ve got no one to hold you Your words are breaking up My stone heart I guess I won’t be leaving you alone To fight your dark Every time you show up You send me reeling Tables turned, now I learn You know the feeling It’s a beginning You say that you’re all on your own here You’ve got no one to hold you Your words are breaking up My stone heart I guess I won’t be leaving you alone To fight your dark
8.
Take the space that you need Take all the time, I'll stand aside And make room for you to breathe You're one I have known all of my life That's something to hold onto I've looked down the path But not round the bend That you plan to tread 'Cuz life's a mystery not mathematical No one can know How it will all end up Flashes of fear I push away, try to have faith That you'll still be the same Ok, maybe changed But still the same heart I've known and loved Always Eight years on the road Wandering round the desert of doubt Have made your visions tangible But all through the good, or the darkest of nights You move through life with Grace Flashes of fear You push away, try to have strength So you'll make it okay So that you'll find a way back to the place that you call home One day Home Home I knew that you'd come home one day I only had to wait
9.
Nighttime fell hours ago Black jagged landscape against a sapphire glow I’m sitting still but somehow moving Through tunnelled darkness towards moonlight I guess that means I lost a bet I owe someone somewhere an un-payable debt I guess the night has many faces And some of them must put me through my paces I’m staring into faces that I don’t know C’mon look me in the eyes; I need to feel somebody’s soul I can see you keep your secrets hidden underneath that hat Won’t you tell me everything about that? Let’s share another drink to pass the time I’ll share my whiskey like you shared your wine Rye smoothes over rougher edges Of Rocky Mountains and conversations I measure the weight by rhythm Hold horizontally for so long I make it equal by the sound Stop the pour before you hear this note’s gone I’m staring into faces that I don’t know C’mon, look me in the eyes; I need to feel somebody’s soul I can see you keep your secrets hidden underneath that hat Won’t you tell me everything about that? You’re standing on your own two feet Pretending that you can’t But if we’re gonna waste the night away That’s the worst thing to pretend Pretend you know me well And that we’ve always been good friends Just pretend until the night has ended
10.
Oh, my bright home plunged into the night Bowing beneath The weight of winter’s plight In the frigid air a feeling hangs Of the tension between joy and pain Oh, my night sky Flashing green and blue Giving me glimpses of a world I thought I knew There are unfamiliar shadows here Underneath a sky I wish was clear I never thought I’d wanna see the trees cry But what’s a few shed tears to a surrender? I never thought I’d meet you on this side But darkness has a way of helping us find A little light Oh, my blue friend Warm up here tonight With the knowledge That I am on your side Oh, my night love Hold me till I’m bright With the warmth that You give to me right Oh, my bright home Beauty In The Blue Wait awhile yet We will make it through Through the hardship here We’ll hold on tight Till the morning comes And sheds its light

credits

released November 7, 2017

All songs written by Sarah Hiltz
Produced by Sarah Hiltz & Kevin Howley
Recorded at Dream Date Studio and Palace Sound by Kevin Howley
Mixed by Josh Bowman
Mastered by Harris Newman
Artwork by Becca Howes

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